Stephen’s Scrambled Eggs with Sautéed Mushrooms (and Hats!)
Stephen was thrilled to see some of the townsfolk get so invested in the project. Gregory, in particular, followed his instructions to the letter. [Photo Credit: Seth Paternostro]
by Seth and Alex Paternostro
March 3, 2022
The square’s entertainment areas were nearly deserted. No live music, no fire-eaters, bear-baiters, theater, nor dancing today. It was simply too cold. Only the vendors and a traveling weapons salesman deemed the day worthy of profit.
“Hallo! Try your hand, Father, at a little game? God favors thee surely, if only you give it your best shot.”
“No, no, no,” Stephen responded without looking. He had bought enough goods for the day and promised himself (and God) that enough was enough. His wagon was full, piled high with hundreds of eggs, yet on laying eyes upon a cute cub, its head composed of honey, he gave in and decided to purchase one more item for the abbey. Stephen pulled past the cutlers, cobblers, and other craftspeople plying their wares to return home.
Within the metal gates of the cathedral’s boundary wall, Stephen rolled by a hatted colleague, gave a short wave, and kept on over the grounds. After a trek through the tiered gardens, brewery, cheesemaking station, koi pond, and other recent additions, he stopped outside his office to take in the wonders of God on this blustery day. It brought tears to his eyes.
Stephen unlocked the arched door and carefully lifted the wheels of his cart inside. He parked in the hallway then went to work. He sank into his grand, blissfully upholstered chair and wrang his hands mindlessly over the ornate wooden desk. He was anxious but had to clock in. His eyes wandered over variegated crosses, fading poinsettias, and big books before stopping on his calendar.
For just $15.95 per annum, this month’s lady was his favorite yet. Radiant and attractive, the Virgin Mary was always how he imagined her—a soft glow enveloping her body, a warm smile for the faithful, and her beautiful breasts hanging out for all to ponder.
Stephen crossed himself.
Not particularly interested in reviewing today’s applications to the order or filing away comments and concerns from his brothers, he decided to finish planning this week’s family-friendly activity for the community outreach program. The theme was "Funny Hats,” so he would have to provide supplies and some ideas to get the laypeople started. A few hours making designs, testing materials, and tabulating the results left Stephen confident that the event would be accessible and engaging for participants of all ages.
Stephen pushed back his chair and got up to stretch. It was already past lunchtime, so he turned on the toaster oven by the window, tapped his hotplate, and got out the nonstick pan that he kept safe in his desk drawer. He would cook scrambled eggs with mushrooms, all fresh from the market. He planned to test the recipe one more time before serving, en masse, to the townsfolk tomorrow. If they did not like the hats, at least they would have good food in their stomachs. And God in their hearts.
Stephen gave up cooking by candlelight years ago, but he would always love eggs. [Photo Credit: Seth Paternostro]
Even Egelstein made a hat. [Photo Credit: Seth Paternostro]
Serves 1
Total time
15 minutes
Equipment:
cutting board, chef’s knife or cleaver, small mixing bowl, measuring spoons, silicone spatula, stirring fork, tasting fork, small nonstick skillet
Tableware:
plate and utensils
Ingredients
½ tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tbsp unsalted butter
3 eggs
½ tbsp heavy cream
6 button mushrooms
1 shallot
1 sprig fresh thyme
½ tsp soy sauce, or as needed
1 tsp white wine vinegar, or as needed
Black pepper, as needed
Kosher salt, as needed
Instructions
Set out all equipment, tableware, and ingredients.
Preheat the skillet over medium.
Whisk together the eggs, heavy cream, ½ tsp white wine vinegar, and a pinch each of salt and black pepper.
Peel, halve, then thinly slice the shallot. Cut the mushrooms ⅛-inch thick.
Swirl the extra virgin olive oil in the pan, then add the shallot, mushrooms, and butter with a pinch each of salt and black pepper.
Cook, tossing occasionally, until lightly browned, then mix in the thyme leaves, ½ tsp soy sauce, and ½ tsp white wine vinegar.
Taste, and adjust as desired.
Turn the heat up to medium-high, pour in the egg mixture, then shake the pan while vigorously stirring until cooked just before reaching your ideal consistency.
Serve immediately while wearing a fun hat.
Notes: A number of tasty garnishes can provide variation on this simple dish. For example, sprinkle over some chopped parsley, grate a hunk of parmigiano reggiano, drizzle with sriracha, or melt aged asiago on toasted bread with a pinch of cayenne. Use a silicone spatula rather than metal implements when cooking in a nonstick pan to avoid scratching away the coating.
NUTRITION FACTS:
Calories 413 Total Fat 34.2g (44%) Saturated Fat 14.8g (74%) Cholesterol 531mg (177%) Sodium 288mg (13%) Total Carbohydrate 8.1g (3%) Dietary Fiber 1.1g (4%) Total Sugars 2.9g Protein 20.9g Vitamin D 439mcg (2195%) Calcium 82mg (6%) Iron 6mg (32%) Potassium 593mg (13%) - Note: Please read our Nutrition Disclaimer.
Seth Paternostro is a writer and recipe developer based in Chicago. He is a co-founder of Our American Cuisine and graduated summa cum laude from Princeton University with an A.B. in East Asian Studies. You can learn more about him here.
Alex Paternostro is a writer and food photographer based in Chicago. He is a co-founder of Our American Cuisine and graduated with honors in English from Princeton University. You can learn more about him here.
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